His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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