Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize