Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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