matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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