I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
40s are totally the cure
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize