he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize