it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
