my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He felt like a one man threesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
