Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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