Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
