I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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