i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
