Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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