Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
