you guys were way drunker than both of me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize