I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
