Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
