Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
