I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
