I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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