why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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