I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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