Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
