I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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