I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
