Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
