I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
