batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so let's talk penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
