Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
