the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
