I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
