wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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