His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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