The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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