when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
