im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
