Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
