So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
