And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
