I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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