Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
