dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
