All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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