guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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