Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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