I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
