nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pants are for mortals
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
