Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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