I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone shattered a urinal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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