i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
