bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
