he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
