McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize