im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
