I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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