I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
