i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
