Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
