all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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