if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
