There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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