I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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