Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
