The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
