If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you win again, gameday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
