Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
