just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
