Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
