When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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