And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize