My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
