I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
