I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
