My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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