took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
