i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
