He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
