You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
