Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
