I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
