Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
