lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sober January is a disaster.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He shit in the fireplace
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
