Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize