there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
