it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The uberlube is also flammable
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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