it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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