I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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