Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
