I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
