Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
